She works with a lady that is married to a complete idiot. (Well, she didn't say that, but I am taking the liberty of referring to him as one.) He works about 3 hours a day for his parent's company. This wouldn't be that big of a deal if he took care of their child the rest of the time, but no - he plays video games the remainder of the day. She asked him to please play with a headset on so that their child doesn't hear all the f-bombs that the video game screams every 10 seconds. When she told him that she'd like another kid, he said "No" because it would "cause too much of a carbon footprint." But this, my friends, is not the story.
Awhile back, the husband was invited to a bachelor party in New Orleans from Thursday to Sunday. He went and the wife started to get concerned when she hadn't heard from him. Well.... the bachelor party apparently went to the Hustler strip club, where he proceeded to get really drunk. At some point in the evening, I guess his friends left him and some classy ladies invited him to the "Champagne Room." Like an idiot, he went. ALLEGEDLY*, this is what happened as he remembers it from that point on...
Somebody offered him some sort of pill, and like an idiot, he took it. Apparently it was not some fun little party drug like he thought it was - it rendered him useless. He woke up at nine in the morning with receipts totaling $20,000 around him. With his signature on them. He remembers bits and pieces of that - like when they had him practice signing his name on a napkin until it looked exactly like the signature on his driver's license.
They maxxed out several of his credit cards - one of which was his parent's company card... that had never been used. They had to activate it, then proceeded to order a bottle of Cristal and Dom Perignon every hour, on the hour.
He tried to press charges, but the strip club had made a copy of his license to prove that he was there, and the credit card company verified that it was his signature. No lawyers would take the case, as this has happened to many other men and nobody has ever won the case since they can't prove they were drugged and nobody forged their signature. So they've paid twenty. thousand. dollars. to get this settled.
I feel bad for the guy, even though he is an idiot. He got swindled, and I just wanted to make sure that it doesn't happen to any of you. So, if you are ever invited to a bachelor party at a strip club, just say no. Especially if you're in New Orleans.
*thatcatbythebar.blogspot.com is just repeating a story and does not wish to get sued by Larry Flint and his nasty clubs.
My camera broke. I still have to go to Walgreens and save all the pictures that were on it... I went this evening and there were 3 people in line for that little machine, so I decided to do it later. Which means you'll just have to wait. In the meantime, I had a birthday. In which Larry gave me this:
He made sure to get me a matching pink carrying case so that this camera does not meet the fate of all my previous ones. I love it. It is fancy and I haven't figured it all out yet, but I've got the basics down. So, this post is brought to you by my new camera.
My parents came into town and spent a couple days with me. Since we recently discovered that my french lineage is actually cajun, my birthday present had a cajun theme:
Jambalaya, sausage, Abita beer and a new dutch oven. The pedicure on Saturday was not cajun, but close enough. I recommend the Abita beer - it is tasty!
Larry and I took our yearly "house divided" picture....
We took my mom tailgating for her first time ever and took a family picture while the windmill was still red and black:
(Check out Blossom in the corner!) I am so blessed to have the parents I have and thankful that I enjoy spending time with them. We put the "fun" in dysfunctional. (Not really, I just wanted to throw that in there...)
Random Thoughts From People Our Age
- -I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
- -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
- -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
- -I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
- -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
- -That’s enough, Nickelback.
- -I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
- -Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
- -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
- -There is a great need for sarcasm font.
- -Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
- -I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
- -How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- -I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- - I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
- -The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- - A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- - Was learning cursive really necessary?
- - Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
- - I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- - Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- - My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.
- - Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
- - How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
- - I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- - Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”
- -What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- - While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
- - MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- - Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- - I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
- -Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- - I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”
- -I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
- - Bad decisions make good stories
- -Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
- - Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
- -If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
- -Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
- -You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
- -Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
- -There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
- -I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- - “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
- -I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
- -I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- - I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
- -When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
- -I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
- -Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
- - As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
- -Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
- -It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
- -I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
- -Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what to do with it.
- -Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
- -My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
- -It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
- -I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
- -I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
- -I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
In a sick sort of way, I find it fascinating to hear people's stories about what they were doing when JFK was shot, and now – what people were doing on September 11.
School had just started for the year, and, as usual, I had waited until the last minute to make my copies. I had first period conference, so I was in the teacher's lounge/copy room on the 2nd floor. There is a TV above the copy machine that usually was on CNN or Fox News. Sure enough…. There I am, standing at the copy machine, watching the news, and all the chaos broke out. The anchors didn't really know what to say, nobody really knew what was going on, and before we knew it, the second tower fell. Crazy. I went back to my classroom and turned on the TV in there and continued to watch it until the bell rang at 10:34. Administration sent out an email telling us not to have our TV on, but I was like – "Um ,sorry. But this is a pretty big deal and will be in history books someday, so we can't shelter the kids from everything." And we went about our day, with the TV in the background. Then went home and watched the coverage for hours.
I still have all those emails that people sent out right afterwards. So many of them just made me so proud to be an American – the stories about the firefighters and police officers, the strangers helping each other, the soldiers going to war for us. I think that September 11, while a horrible tragedy, helped me understand what a magnificent country we live in.
So, where were you?
My presents are sitting wrapped on top of the fridge and I don't have a clue what they might be. I don't think I've said that I wanted anything, so there is no telling.
I should be studying. Or preparing for work tomorrow. Blech.
I can't wait to do a post over the Labor Day BBQ, but seeing as my camera is broken and I'm going to have to go to Walgreens and transfer all the pictures on the card to a cd, it might take a few days. Until then, just picture 100+ people, a stage with full band equipment and more food and beverages than you've ever seen in your life. (and yes - go ahead and picture TUMS at 2 in the morning.)
If they hadn't done this, it is likely that we would have to walk around like they did a few years ago:
(Although, being from West Texas, I could handle it. I'd gripe about it, but I could handle it.)
3-day pass: check
Friend with apartment downtown where we can go rest/swim/sleep if we want: check
Shows picked out: NO. This is where I need your help.
- The Knux
- Dr. Dog
- John Legend OR Thievery Corporation?
- TOUGH CALL: Yeah Yeah Yeahs OR Kings of Leon?
- The Virgins
- The Raveonettes
- Citizen Cope
- The Zac Brown Band
- Dave Mathews Band
- The B-52's
- Brett Dennen (or The Toadies? Are they any good anymore?)
- The Resonate Band (at church that morning, duh.)
- TOUGH CALL: Ben Harper or Dead Weather? (should you ever pass up a chance to see Jack White, even if it means you get to see Ben Harper?)
- Dan Auerbach
- Pearl Jam (yes, I know there will be a zillion people, I don't care if I'm in the back)