4 reasons why you should never be mean to me

Updated: Scary men in sepia tone:

Just sayin'.

Cali Chapter 2: You know what's wrong with this?

Day 2 of our California adventure began with us all waking up at like 7 in the morning. For courtesy's sake, we all tried to sleep in, but by about 8:30, we were "up and at 'em." As I said to Larry, "I am much more productive on West Coast time." I pretty much awoke in a panic because I had school work that was due. So, we went and got our free breakfast since we had swanky Regency Club access, then parted ways. I stayed in the room and worked. BOO. The other three went running, jogging, walking, or a combination of the three on the beach. By noon, we all met up and sat on the beach for a little while. We may or may not have watched the National Beach Soccer team practice.

(photo courtesy of beachsoccer.us)

Okay, busted. The soccer team was staying in our hotel, so we encountered them quite a bit and alerting the other girls about their presence was kind of a running joke. In fact, while Lana was out running, she sent a text to Amy saying "Soccer Boy Alert!" The only problem was.... she sent it to Amy's husband instead. He told Amy something like, "Lana sent me some movie quote about soccer boys, but I didn't understand it." LOL.

After some relaxation and chatting about life at the beach, we went back to the room and cleaned up. Let me just say - you've never seen 4 girls be as successful at sharing a room as us. We rock. After an hour (or two or three), we were ready and headed out. While we were waiting for our car, I started embarrassing my friends by asking strangers to take our picture. (Although they didn't waste any time asking me to send them copies, did you ladies?) ;)


We had lunch at Billy's on the Beach in Newport Beach. It was right next to a Yacht store, and we were trying to pick out the one we wanted. (You can kind of see them in the background of the picture below.) It was here at Billy's that Lindsey provided us with the theme for the weekend. As soon as we sat down, she said: "Do you know what's wrong with this?...........NOTHING." We used that line excessively for the rest of the trip.

After lunch, we piled into the car, where I once again asked the valet to take our picture. We decided to head down to the Ritz Carlton at Dana Point to watch the sunset.
Here is Amy driving a convertible down the Pacific Coast Highway. It suits her, no?


Here is a hilarious picture that I took while we were driving. I was trying to capture the beauty of the ocean and scenery, and I managed to get a chain-link fence, bushes, a sign and a view of me in the side mirror.

We made it to the Ritz and proceeded to visit the Ladies Room. Of course, I had to be photographed in it. I'm classy like that.
We spent several hours just breathing it all in. We ordered drinks and chocolate fondue and I asked more strangers to take our picture.



I will spare you all 45 pictures I took of the sunset, but here are a couple. Those little specks you see in the water are surfers.



Once the sun set, we headed back to Huntington Beach. On the way, we stopped at Trader Joes so that Amy could get some gummies for her 10 mile training run the next day. I wandered around the aisles and found dark chocolate Joe-Joes, which are dark chocolate covered oreos. (one word = yum.) Then we ate a late dinner at Dukes before going back to the hotel. Lindsey was still recovering from her cough and had a date with Cody (aka: codeine cough syrup) and Amy needed to get some rest before the run, so Lana and I went down to the hotel bar - the Red Chair - and had a few drinks. This was the introduction of the signature cocktail...a strawberry and pinapple infused vodka martini that was called "the Red Chair." Lana and I managed to kill an hour or so talking about boys, then headed up to bed.
You know what was wrong with day 2? NOTHING.

Cali Chapter 1: Surprises & Rockstars

Background for any of you who care: Lana was my roommate in the dorms at Tech my freshman year. She transferred to UT her Junior year and lived with Amy. Lindsey lived with Lana and Amy at one point. When I moved to Austin, I lived with Lana and Amy for a little while. We were young and fun.

(This is more like a journal for me to reflect on my trip, so it won't hurt my feelings if you don't read the whole thing! Unless you were on the trip with me, in which case, you better leave a comment.)

Chapter 1: Surprises & Rockstars

For assorted reasons, Lindsey and Lana planned a trip to Huntington Beach, CA. Lindsey thought it would be great if Amy and I surprised Lana out there, so the plan was hatched. Lindsey and I got up at 4:00 AM to catch our 6am flight. It was a torrential downpour the whole way to the airport, but we made it. We flew into John Wayne airport and took our picture by the giant John Wayne statue while we waited for Lana to arrive.
While we were sitting there, an old pilot was standing there taking pictures of the John Wayne statue with his iPhone. He asked us to take a picture of him with the statue stating, "God Bless John Wayne. He was a good American. The boys at the coffee shop aren't gonna believe this."

We were trying to figure out the best way to surprise Lana with my presence. I came up with the idea to pretend I was a limo driver and borrowed a sharpie from a nearby Starbucks to write her last name on a piece of paper. (blurred for her safety.)
Lindsey was trying to get a picture of Lana's face when she saw me, but we were using my new camera that I didn't know how to operate, so she couldn't get it in time. But she was surprised. It was really fun. She said, "I'm so glad you're here! The only thing missing is Amy!" (Lindsey and I exchanged a knowing glance.) Lindsey reminded me that my "hanging bag got left in Austin and won't arrive in CA until about 7pm."

We went to our frickin' AMAZING hotel (see above picture for the view from the balcony) and relaxed for a little while. Lana went for a run, Lindsey and I took a nap. (Keep in mind, Lindsey and I had been up since 4am, which is 2am Cali time. Plus, Lindsey had been sick and was still on codeine cough syrup.) We hit the "Regency club" for some free snacks and drinks, then headed back to the airport for my "hanging bag" (aka: Amy) before heading down to Laguna Beach for dinner. Amy has a 2 year old and a husband that teaches at the Air Force Academy, so Lana really didn't think she would be able to come. So, it was so fun to see her surprised face when I walked Amy up to the car! I couldn't hear, but apparently Lana was telling Lindsey, "let me out! let me out!"

We walked around some of the shops in Laguna, and I took a random picture of dog couture. (Amy, was this for Rosie dog?)

We ate at a cute little Italian place, where I took a picture of the wine bottle so I would remember what it was.


At this point, Lindsey and I had been up for about 22 hours - which is where the "rockstar" title comes in. But even rockstars get tired and we headed back to the hotel for some shut-eye. Lindsey and I said goodnight while Lana and Amy went down to the hotel bar - The Red Chair. They came in around midnight and we all slept like babies on benadryl.

Little did we know what the next few days had in store...

plus size

You thought I was going to post something new and exciting, didn't you? SUCKA!!!

No really, I have about 5 posts that need to be written, but first I must complete a peer review on that $@*$ lit review for grad school. It is due Friday at midnight, and no - I haven't started. Therefore, once again, I will merely leave you with a question.


The question is this: What might it look like if my boyfriend were to go into the "Women's" section to buy me a shirt?


Answer:



I asked why he wanted to buy me that shirt. (It was like a 3x) He said, "You have a blue one just like it and you look good in it, so I thought you would like it."

(I bit my tongue and didn't mention that the Ann Taylor aqua shirt is tailored with a big bow on the neckline, because really - it was hilarious.)

The Jellybean Game

This is the fancy crystal bowl in which the JellyBelly jellybeans live during Easter time. On Sunday, our good friends Sarah and Dale came over to enjoy the beautiful day, some fajitas, and some Miller Lites. (Lone Star for Dale.) Towards the end of the evening, Sarah dove into the jellybeans. I'm not sure how it evolved, but all of a sudden, all four of us were in the kitchen playing the "guess what flavor of jellybean you picked" game. It works like this. You pick a jellybean with your eyes closed and show the rest of the group what you've chosen. Then you guess the flavor. It's a lot harder than it sounds. It is amazing how much we rely on association - for instance, I had a grape flavored one but couldn't guess it. But once they gave me the hint that it was purple, I knew it right away. Weird. Anyway, just in case you didn't get the gist of how the game is played, here are some visuals:

Larry is perplexed at the flavor I chose here.

Sarah is showing off her watermelon flavored one, which she hates.

Dale spices up the rules a bit by adding a new element - smelling the jellybean before tasting it, in an attempt to get more guesses correct. He got this one right... the delicious coconut.

Larry chooses some sort of berry flavor. He just gives them a few chews, then throws them into the sink since he doesn't really like jellybeans but wanted to join in on the fun.

I guessed this mango one - which, btw, is gross.

During one of Sarah's turns, Larry cascaronied her:
It appears that he smashed it so hard on her head that he just flattened the egg. The confetti however, went everywhere. (We are still picking it up.) In an attempt to clean up some of the confetti, Larry got the shop-vac out and proceeded to vaccuum Sarah's hair.
Note to self: vaccuumming hair doesn't really work.

The final round consisted of us choosing a flavor for each other. Sarah and I thought it would be hilarious to give the boys the "buttered popcorn" flavor. (Sarah is the only person on Earth that likes this flavor, SICK.) This is what Dale looks like after he has been cascaronied and discovers the disgustingness that is called a buttered popcorn jellybean:

I love Sarah's evil laugh that was captured up in the corner. Who ever said that being a grown-up meant you didn't think it was funny when somebody else ate something gross?

I could be wrong, but I think we played this game for at least an hour. Don't judge. You can't understand how fun it is until you correctly guess "tutti frutti" and have the whole room cheer for you. Seriously.

be prepared

Sorry for the lame "I'll just post some photos and pretend they are blog entries" posts, but it's all I can do for now. For anyone who has been to a BBQ at my house and made fun of me for tying little ribbons around the silverware, just know that it is in my blood. If there is anything I can say that I'm good at, it is being prepared for parties. In case you wonder where I get that trait, this should settle it:

This was taken last Easter. My mom just didn't think that we would have enough paper plates, so she bought more. And then one more package. And then one more.... This was the end result. (Kudos to April for the "Oh no, they are going to fall on me" pose.)

Please keep checking back, one of these days I'll have time to let you see the details of my trip to California and the amazing jellybean game that was played on Easter. Fun times. Until then, stay classy.

Death, where is your sting?

I don't know about y'all, but to me, hearing a soulful black woman belt out gospel songs is pretty moving. You know the kind I'm talking about - the songs that get underneath your skin and give you the chills. This morning there was some song - never heard it before, but it was beautiful. Oh death, where is your sting? He is risen. Happy Easter.

Larry's doesn't really eat candy, so making his Easter basket is always tricky. This year I went with charcoal and lighter fluid. Here he is with his man-basket:

I got lots of peeps, almond joy and those chocolate covered marshmallow eggs that I love. The Easter Bunny also brought me a bright pink Adirondack patio chair so that I'll always have a place to sit.

I did brush my hair before church, so I'm not sure why I look like a ragamuffin, but whatever.
Weenie got some rawhides, bad breath bones and a new Easter dress:


Now we will watch the Masters (yawn) and maybe Sarah and Dale and Cooper will come over and have some fajita taco salad with us. I may not be hungry, as I've already polished off a row of pink peeps.

Hope your day is just as perfect.

March in a nutshell

March seems like an eternity ago, but it was jam-packed with all sorts of fun things, so I wanted to at least post some pics for posterity's sake. I'm sure I'll leave something out, but here are some highlights:

Amanda's first annual 29th birthday party (yes, her and her house really are that cute)


Random evening at the Oasis


Random evening at Trulucks (crab legs, yum.)


Juan's birthday, which happens to be on St. Patty's Day, hence the green beer


SXSW with Juan and Reyna to see Dan Auerbach (no, I don't know the gentleman with the "tribal eye" tattoo in front of me.)


Hail-storm (Blossom couldn't find a place to go potty - she finally found a spot on the golf course!)



BBQ (Notice Sarah and all her birthday loot - the boots and the guitar...)

Yay for March. The sweet thing is = April is already turning out to be just as good!

if you guess 3, you're right

I don't really have time to post a whole blog right now, but I feel the need to at least update. So, I will leave you with this question...

How many blondes does it take to open a bottle of wine with one of those simple corkscrews?