It’s not an act. I’m just really this clueless.

When I was about a freshman in college, my dad told me that I had the act of "learned helplessness" down to an art. I believe this was after he was trying to teach me how to change a flat tire. If I remember correctly, I was standing and jumping on the tire iron and nothing was budging, so I deferred to his strength and somehow managed to get out of the lesson. I don't recall, but I probably said something like, "If I'm broken down on the side of the road, somebody is eventually going to stop to help me, so it's okay if I don't know how."

Here I am, more than 10 years later, and I still pretty much think the same way. I appreciate the right to vote and have a good-paying job and all that, but you'll never convince me that there isn't a difference between a "man's" work and "woman's" work. I don't kill bugs, I don't use the weed-eater, I don't carry heavy things and I don't fix cars. If you are a woman and like to do those things, I applaud you. But it doesn't mean I want to be like you. I'm just not cut out for it, never have been – especially when it comes to cars. For example:

When I was learning how to drive, I think my dad MADE me practice. I really didn't have much interest in it. It was scary and if I could find other people to take me places, why bother? While learning how to drive, I believe there was a time or two that I put the car in the wrong gear – as in "DRIVE" instead of "REVERSE" while in the driveway. Fortunately, I was also brake-happy, so I was able to stop before crashing through the garage door.

I got my first car after I graduated high school. (Shout out to the 1988 Eagle Summit!) I was running late for work and almost out of gas one day, so I stopped real quick at a mom 'n' pop gas station on the side of the road. I may or may not have put diesel fuel in the car – about 2 minutes later, the car chugged, chugged, chugged and stopped. I called mom and she took me to work.

A year or so later, I was out at my parent's house and my youngest brother went out to check the tire pressure. I think it was around 10psi. (Isn't it "psi?" If not, hopefully you know what I'm talking about.) We went to the gas station and either he or my dad filled up my tires. I have yet to learn how to do that. I've tried – really, I have – but I always just let all the air out. I just can't figure it out.

Towards the end of the Summit's life, I got in to head home from a late shift at Chelsea Street Pub and Grill when my car started making a strange knocking sound. A LOUD, strange knocking sound. So… it turns out that if you don't ever change the oil in your car, it eventually breaks the engine. (I don't think that is the technical term, but whatever.)

Let's fast forward to last night. I was driving home from a visit with friends around 8pm. It was still light outside, but I went to turn my lights on anyway and the whole dashboard went black. The lights on the radio, the back-light of the speedometer, everything was black. So I turned my headlights off and the interior lights came back on. It scared me. Well, Larry was going to take me to work this morning so that he could work on it. The same thing happened for him – until he said: "Where is your dimmer switch?" Um, yeah. Somehow – probably adjusting the A/C vent or something - I had totally turned down the dimmer and turned off the interior lights. Crisis averted, but I felt a little dumb. Oh well. Until next time, buckle up, air up your tires, change your oil, and drive safe.

vanity at it's finest

I recently bought a gift certificate that I thought I was going to be able to use for a friend's birthday party at milk & honey spa. Unfortunately, I didn't read the fine print and didn't realize that the gift certificate had to be used for specific treatments - I didn't get to choose what I wanted. The certificate was for a "Glam Retreat" - which consists of highlights, hair-cut and style, make-up application and eyelash extensions.

Yes - eyelash extensions.

I asked if I could substitute a facial or massage or pedicure or something, and they said no. Since it was already paid for, I thought - what the heck? My eyelashes are nice and thick and black, but really straight. Mascara and the eyelash curler are my best friend. (You'll see why in my "before" picture.)

So I had to arrive at the spa without ANY makeup on. This was difficult for me, but I followed directions. Here is my face and eyelashes right out of the shower - you can see how straight my lashes are. (Along with my lovely rosacea.)

To make a long story short... Lavish Lashes eyelash extensions are amazing. They work. They are ridiculously expensive (keep in mind they were part of the package I got - I paid less than half price) and you have to lie still for about 3 hours, but the results are worth it. Basically, they take one fake eyelash at a time and glue it to one of your eyelashes. They only last for 6-8 weeks unless you get touch-ups, which I probably won't do. (You get one free, so I'll get that one in 2 weeks.) But you have to get them professionally taken off or you'll look weird with like seven long lashes on one eye and three on the other. But enough talking, I know you want to see the pictures.
And I don't know if you can tell, but my make-up looked really good AND I got new highlights and haircut since my last one was such a disaster. We were at lunch today with some old friends and towards the end, she said - "Okay, I have to know. Your eyelashes look amazing. Are they fake or are you using Latisse?" Neither. Eyelash extensions - who knew?

Breaking Up

It is a difficult time in every woman's life. It can be a heart-wrenching decision. When you've spent years with somebody, it is never easy to let them go. You think back to all of the good times – all of the shared conversations and laughter, the way you would open up and be able to talk about anything in the presence of this person. We can all tell when it is coming – towards the end, we know what has to happen. We know that it just can't go on like this any longer. We hold on for as long as we can, then we make the decision we know is best for us. We break up with our hairdresser.

Sorry Pamela. I will miss you. It was a good run. But dark roots 2 weeks after my appointment? This haircut that has layers when I've been saying for FIVE YEARS that I don't do layers? Unacceptable. I think we just grew too comfortable and it is time for me to move on. Best wishes.

if coconut was a fruit

Okay, I'm about to start my comparative analysis of "The Handbook of Training Evaluation and Measurement Methods (Improving Human Performance Series)" and "Implementing the Four Levels: A Practical Guide for Effective Evaluation of Training Programs" but need something mindless for a few minutes.

Last night, I borrowed this from the adorable little girl at Life @ the White House. I’m pretty sure I’ve done the exact same one before – back in the days of myspace – but thought I would do it again here. For posterity’s sake. It is meant to be a survey that you list your own answers to, but it is so much more fun to have your significant other (or sibling, friend, etc.) answer the questions for you. You find out a lot about what the person pays attention to, how they see you, and what parts of your personality they really notice. Larry did a great job and really surprised me with some of his answers. So, even if you don’t feel like reading the responses he thought I would say, you should do this survey with somebody else. You’ll learn at least one new thing, I promise. And we all know that learning is a good thing.

1. What is your current obsession?
“Your job – you love your job and you love to see those people go from the beginning to the end and whether they make it or not”

2. What is your favorite memory?
“Vegas on your 30th”

3. Starbucks or Peet's?
“Neither, you don’t drink that much coffee”

4. What's for dinner?
“Half-price appetizers or something on the grill”

5. What would you eat for your last meal?
”That white wine chicken you make is pretty good”

6. What's the last thing you bought?
He says to see my recent blog and look at the picture of the giant sack

7. Ever dated anyone that turned out to be crazy?
”Probably, you dated lots of people when you were younger”

8. What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?
“Ben & Jerry’s”

9.) What was your favorite toy growing up?
“I wouldn’t know”

11. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
”Italy”

12. Which language do you want to learn?
”Italian”

13. What's your favorite quote (for now)?
”Probably something out of that series of books that you read with the vampires and stuff”

14. What is your favorite color?
”pink”

15. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?
”you wear lots of layers. Or your coach purses”

16. What is your dream job?
”owning Ace of Cakes”

17. What is your worst habit?
”having lots of controlled piles all over the place”

18. If you had $1,000 right now, what would you spend it on?
”Go to Europe, but if I had any say, I would make you put it away”

19. Do you admire any one's style?
”no, you have your own style. You admire your friends but don’t change to be like them.”

20. Describe your personal style?
”very grounded, faith and family”

21. What are you going to do after this?
”get a glass of wine, some chocolate, get on the couch and tell him not to put it on baseball”

22. What are your favorite movies?
”You like the event of going to the movies more than the actual movie. You like the social action of going to Alamo drafthouse – it’s like going bowling or roller skating… it doesn’t matter how good you are at it or how good the movie is, you just think it is fun”

23. What is your favorite fruit?
”You like fruit. Pineapples. If coconut was a fruit you would like that.”

24. What inspires you?
”You have a drive to be the best, you want to make things or people the best they can be”

25. Your favorite book?
”twilight series or that lady writer that you read lots of. You just like to read”

26. Do you collect something?
”no”

27. What is your favorite smell?
”Angel”

28. What are you most proud of?
”probably your family, especially your sister, but all of your family is successful, including your parents and you are proud of your family”

29. What do you like most about yourself?
”that’s a hard one because you don’t want to seem narcissistic. I guess I don’t know because you don’t say “I did this” or “look at me” “

30. What is your go-to nail polish color?
”red”

31. What do you fear most?
”being 40 and not married”

a backwards glance

I plan to delete my myspace account (because I don't ever use it) but don't want to lose my blogs. I haven't figured out an easy way to do that, so I am just copying and pasting everything into Microsoft Word. I know that sounds lame, but we all know that I am lame. Myspace was there for me during some important times of my life, and my blogs there documented lots of it. I thought I would see what I was up to three years ago today. Here is the closest I got:

Thursday, June 01, 2006

life without time warner
Current mood: working
Well, the cable and internet will be disconnected today. So, unless I can steal a wireless signal from a neighbor, it will be awhile until my next visit to the world of myspace. Aside from the occasional visit to the homes of friends or family, I probably won't be able to check it very often. Eventually I will figure out where I will be living and will once again pay an hefty fee just to have access to this beautiful thing we call the "world wide web." Until then, keep on keepin' on. Peace. (Captivating, right?!?)

It is weird to think about how much can happen in 3 years. I was still a teacher, and had just accepted the Assistant cheerleading coach position. I was headed to my high school reunion, then I was headed for 3 weeks in Europe. I was officially single, although Larry and I had resumed conversation. I was homeless. (really!) I was in my twenties!!! It all seems like so long ago. Hmm. I guess time really does fly.

good for him, bad for me

A new study finds that men who marry women 15 to 17 years their junior cut their chances of dying early by 20 percent, while men who marry a woman seven to nine years younger cut their chances by 11 percent.

However, wives with husbands older or younger by between seven and nine years increase their chances of dying early by 20 percent. This rises to 30 percent if the age difference is close to 15 and 17 years.

I'll take my chances.

Shoppy McShoperson

I went to the Outlet Malls with Sarah on Sunday. I truly did have a need for some shorts and shoes for summer. With that being said, I *might* have gone a little overboard. (In my defense, I bought Larry 3 pairs of shorts, 2 shirts and 2 pairs of shoes, which contributed to big bags.) Lots of bags. Plastic bags without the nice handles that I had to carry on my arm. (C'mon Gap, what does a girl have to do for some handles?) The bags caused my arm to look like I am a cutter. Here it is after I was home for about 2 hours:

At the last store, I asked the lady if they had a large bag with handles in which I could stuff all of my other bags. They did. The largest bag in the universe.

Sarah was afraid that I was going to get jumped as I carried the giant Coach bag to the car, stuffed with the purchases of the day. Fortunately, I made it safely. (No comment on what Larry said when I carried it inside...)