I'm studying astrophysics and rescuing baby rattlesnakes in my spare time

My family sends out a Christmas letter. You know what I mean.

The letter that gives you the update of what has happened in the lives of all the family members. To tell the truth, I actually like those letters and read every one that comes in. I always learn something that I didn't know. I'll say things to myself like, "Huh! I didn't know they went to Costa Rica over Spring Break!" or "Oh my gosh, poor little guy broke his arm! At least he got a Spiderman cast." etc. My parents do a really good job on theirs. My dad usually makes it into some sort of a pamphlet or something with just a sentence or two to give a quick snippet on the lives of us all. (of course, maybe I think it is a good letter because I'm mentioned in it... who knows.)

This year, my dad asked us to write our own updates. What?!?! If you know me at all, you should realize that I really don't like to talk about myself. I'm not one for lots of attention or fanfare. Example: My entire family is musical and doesn't mind performing... we've got it all - singers, guitar players, bass players, harmonica players and djimbe players - yet I kind of sing along in the background and pretty much refuse to sing by myself. (unless there is wine involved.) I realize that having a blog could be considered a method of promoting myself or bragging, but since I don't have anyone around me when I'm writing, it's more like I'm just writing an autobiography.

So anyway, we were requested to send in our updates using 150 words or less. This is what I probably should have submitted:

Just to answer your question: Rachel is not married yet, nor is she sporting anything sparkly on her left hand. She has no children but enjoys dressing up her dog in an effort to satisfy her maternal instincts. She does have a really good job that she enjoys, although sitting in a cubicle has contributed to some weight gain. She is halfway done with graduate school, and is hoping it is worth the additional $20,000 of student loans.

Here is what I submitted:

Rachel is still in Austin, loving her job as a teacher educator in a certification program. She is half-way done with her master's degree in Administrative Leadership, focusing on Human Resource Development and Adult Education. She loves being “Aunt Bee” to her nieces and nephews and tries to visit as much as possible. In her spare time, she enjoys dressing her dachshund, Blossom, in ridiculous outfits as her boyfriend Larry hangs his head in shame. Together, they enjoy volunteering with Mobile Loaves and Fishes, hosting parties, and sharing the many blessings of life with family and friends. If you’re the blogging type, you can keep up with her at www.thatcatbythebar.blogspot.com.

(insert vomiting soundtrack here)

See? I'm really not very good at self-promotion. These things are so hard to write, because you want people to be happy for the exciting things that are going on in your life, but there is no way to word them without sounding a little pretentious. For instance:

Best Brags

Our daughter no longer colors, she designs . . .
[The daughter was three and a half, and not quite potty trained.]

Our high school won the State Football Championship this year . . .
[None of the family's children played, but they attended regularly. Go, Bulldogs!]

Our son was invited to send a biography to "Who's Who in American High School Students" . . .
[Main selection criteria: order a copy, for $49.99.]

I'm going to learn ancient Greek next year, so I can see if the Bible was translated properly . . .
Sent to Maryanne in California, as was the next.

Our daughter has mastered French. She isn't interested in Spanish and the school doesn't offer Russian, so she's taking Mandarin Chinese . . .
[Daughter who had mastered French was in the 9th grade.]

So anyway, if you happen to get a Christmas letter from my parents this year, don't laugh at my section. I did my best.