Homeroom

I don't actually remember writing this, but it was sitting in my unpublished drafts so I figured, "what the heck."  It should have been posted in August but I guess I wasn't ready to share it then.

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I love hearing the stories of "Meet the Teacher" night. How every single one of your kids think they hit the jackpot. Because - let's be honest - they did! Every single one of them has a teacher who has been thinking of them for months and planning for them for weeks. They all walk into their respective classrooms being anticipated. So I love this time of year when everyone else feels that.

I see your First Day of School posts. Usually, I'll click "like." Because I *do* like them. I love the look in your children's eyes. Some are so excited, some are trepidatious, and some are so embarrassed that you're making them take this picture. (Middle school parents, I'm looking at you.) I see the attention you've taken to do their hair and how you've given them a sign to hold. (I don't care if it is perfectly chalkboarded or simply in ballpoint pen. I get the gist.)

But I'll just  come out and say it....This time of year is also a little hard for me.

I never actually planned to be a mom, but I figured I would be.  And not only that, I was going to be the mom that made funfetti pancakes for a week straight leading up to the first day of school.  Make personalized labels for each and every school supply. Pack lunches like a champ, including a daily note and dessert. Have the cutest "first day of Xth grade" pictures on earth. Make the rest of you look like a chump with my teacher gifts. I'M HOMEROOM MOTHER MATERIAL DANGIT!

But my plans aren't always His plans, and I get to be an Aunt, a teacher, a coach, a facilitator and a cheerleader instead of a mom. And believe it or not,  I really am okay with that. I figure there is a reason that has yet to be exposed. So I relish the roles I was given and look forward to seeing what I'm supposed to do with them.

But please know that if I don't gush over your photos or wish you the best first day ever, it doesn't mean that I'm not happy for you. It just means that I'm thinking about those first day of school outfits that I'll never get to buy.

hobo casserole

If you had to pick one food/dish that reminded you of your childhood, what would it be?

My first inclination is pancakes.  My mom made pancakes every Saturday morning.  As I got older, we were allowed to sleep in, but that didn't mean I missed out.... there was a green bun warmer that lived on the stove, and without fail - there would be pancakes in there, still slightly warm.  I can picture the yellow mixing bowl full of batter as we speak.  Some days after school, we had pancake pb&j as our snack.  Pancakes are a natural choice for my response.

But pancakes don't make for a very exciting blog post, so I'm switching midstream.

I realize now that there were days we had really limited resources. I guess I didn't see it then because we never went without a meal. No matter what, we always had a warm "supper" to sit down to and eat together as a family. I loved my mom's homemade pizza and chalupas, but I have to go with a dish that is somewhat notorious in our home. It is lovingly referred to as "Hobo Casserole."  That isn't what we called it when we were kids - I think we called it "hot dog casserole." Because that is what it is.  It consists of potatoes, hot dogs and celery in a flour based gravy.

This is the closest picture I can find, but it is totally wrong:

Our hot dog pieces were smaller, there were no peas and I don't remember having cheese on top.  But MAN, it was good.  I think it is true that "love" is sometimes the extra ingredient - that is the only way I can make sense of this now that my palate is a little more refined.

We haven't had Hobo casserole in a long time. Fortunately, none of us face the reality where a $1 pack of hot dogs is the only meat we can afford.  But when I think of it, it may as well have been caviar or foie gras - because it provides me with memories that are just as rich. 

Scratch that... the memories are priceless.

dusting her off

I can feel my mind starting to get lazy, and that isn't a good thing.  I figure that dusting off the ol' blog and writing here again is a good jumpstart - even if it is full of nonsense.
Since I need a little security to make sure I have something say, I'm going to use this and this (and maybe a few other things) as a crutch.  I'm not committing to all 30 days or saying I'll do them in any sort of order, but at least it gives me some ideas if I get stuck.

Today, I'll start with making a list.

Things I Keep Meaning to Do:
1.  Get involved in an adult literacy initiative
2.  Pre-purchase birthday cards for all family members/put addresses and stamps on envelopes
3.  Get my principal certificate
4.  Join a conversational Spanish meet-up
5.  Use the crockpot more.
6.  Learn calligraphy
7.  Start cross-stitching and learn to embroider
8.  CLEAN THE TILE GROUT.  Ugh.

Baby steps.

pearl

I feel like I've already told this story, but don't feel like going back to look. I was waiting for a meeting to start last night and took one of those buzzfeed quizzes... This one was "Which magical creature are you?" Don't judge.  I had a lot of time to kill.

I got mermaid.

It may be pushing it to say I "feel whole" when I'm near the ocean.  I love the beach, but that is a bit much.   Pretty sure anyone who picks Hawaii as a getaway location gets mermaids but whatever. (Italy was not an option.)

Anyway, it made me laugh, because when I was young, I used to pretend I was a mermaid. Sarah and I would get dropped off at Maxey Pool for the day. We would swim, swim, swim and swim some more. (Crazy to think there was ever a day when I didn't care about how I looked in a bathing suit.) Eventually we started pretending that we were mermaids. I was "Pearl" and she was "Scissors."  (Foreshadowing to the type of grown-ups we would eventually be, no? Me in my cardigans and pearls, her in funky classic style....)

I don't remember the story behind this picture, but it still makes me laugh.

Now I'm craving a trip to the beach.  Thanks a lot buzzfeed.

screensavers

I don't have kids, so I have some freedom in my desktop wallpaper. Am I the only person that spends an inordinate amount of time picking the perfect one? There are so many beautiful pictures, funny quotes, and posters with unique typography that it becomes overwhelming. However, I have a few that make it into the rotation quite a bit:

"I have learned that to be with those I love is enough." Walt Whitman (currently on ipad)

 (image)

"Kindness is always fashionable." (Currently on work computer)

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"Always deliver more than you are expected to deliver." (Previously on work computer)

 (image)

"Gratitude turns what we have into enough." (Previously on home computer)

 (image)

As I was saving these pictures, I came across the one I'll use next:

(image)

Currently, the wallpaper on the home computer is a picture of Larry's tweet being broadcast on CNBC. Not the same kind of inspiration I'm accustomed to, but inspirational nonetheless I suppose.

What is on your screen?

the red X

I'll be honest - I don't think I've read a blog post in probably 6 months.  Maybe more.  I used to read them religiously, but like so many other things, it went by the wayside.

After hours of college football today, I started getting a little restless.  Checked Facebook.  Zulily.  Rue La La.  Buzzfeed.  I went back to Facebook and even watched some of the links to videos/and articles that I usually scroll through.

I got around to entering my brother-in-law for a Dr. Pepper scholarship.  As I double-checked my gmail account to make sure I had his email address entered accurately, I came across a blog comment that I hadn't "published" yet. Which brought me to my blog, and here I am.

One of the blogs I used to follow closely was Enjoying the Small Things.  If you've never read the birth story of her beautiful girl Nella, you should.  I'll wait.  Her post today provided me with enough inspiration to actually write a post.  Shocking, I know.

You all know that I find beauty in the ordinary.  I'm not one to strive for greatness, or originality, or to ruffle feathers. I like ordinary.  I also like being content.  I don't have a 5 year plan.  I find comfort in what I have today and I don't worry about what is up next. 

But sometimes I feel guilty and/or conflicted for this.  Like relishing in the ordinary is somehow wasting gifts that I've been giving or holding me back from something bigger and better.  That being content means I don't have vision and that I've grown complacent.  That I'm either not brave enough or that I'm too uninspired to go forth and do great things.  That I've settled.  To be fair, I think that there is probably an element of truth to all of that. But not enough truth to warrant any negative self-talk or self-doubt.

So when Kelle posted this quote, it really spoke to me for some reason: 

"No one longs for what he or she already has, and yet the accumulated insight of those wise about the spiritual life suggests that the reason so many of us cannot see the red X that marks the spot is because we are standing on it. The treasure we seek requires no lengthy expedition, no expensive equipment, no superior aptitude or special company. All we lack is the willingness to imagine that we already have everything we need. The only thing missing is our consent to be where we are." 

~Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar in the World

I think this quote can kind of be twisted and interpreted for whatever personal need the reader may hold.  I don't feel lost or unfulfilled, which is probably the intended meaning.  But I do like the idea that I've already found the red X that marks the spot.  That I'm on it.  That I have "permission" to be okay to be happy with where I am and what I have.  Basically

That frees me up to go out and do ordinary things to help other people feel content.  Sounds like a win-win to me.  Cheers to 2015!

one of those weird things

I got a fun surprise when I checked my email this morning. A woman commented on a post I wrote over 4 years ago:

I was doing a Google image search for Vanilla Fields (long story)and suddenly I see this image of a Caboodle! I was like, "Oh my God I remember those!" I was so excited to see this blast from the past that I quickly clicked the link to "Visit Page". I had been severely irritated by my husband, so I was chomping away at a giant bag of Skittles as I read your awesome post. Before I knew it, I had been reading your blog for over an hour and my Skittles were gone. I am loving your blog, you rock and thanks to you (and Skittles) I can now go to bed peaceful. :) on only the best for my vanilla fields perfume...

I wanted to see more about her, so I clicked on her name and it took me to her Google profile. Apparently Google let's you put your former names. And one of her former last names is my current one. WHAT?!?  It isn't like there are a zillion Behnkes running around. 

Aside from that, she reads blogs and eats candy to suppress her feelings. If she also believes in retail therapy then I'm pretty sure we are meant to be friends. 

Crazy, right?